The Love Letter
Something is missing. The sun shines brightly, yet I wander in the dark. How long has it been? How many nights have I lied awake in solitude? Your scent is no longer on my pillow, your warmth on my sheets is no more. The silent echo of your footsteps is gone, and gone is your breath on my skin.
How I miss you. I miss the warmth in your eyes when you looked at me. I miss your silken hair, dark as a midsummer night, with a mithril shine. And I miss your smile. That radiant, dazzling, blinding smile. Your smile. Why are you not here? Why are you not where you are supposed to be?
Have I lost you? Are you really gone? I thought you would always be there. I guess some things in this world are not as certain as they appear to be. I have lost the other half of me, the very essence of my soul. Though, there is one thing eternal, one everlasting truth. One thing for certain, Erestor.
My love for you.
~Glorfindel
The Diary
I do not know what lies ahead, only what I've left behind. I left my life, my love, my heart. I left the only place that ever felt like home. I needed to go. Needed the solitude. The loneliness. The pain. Ever has it been present in my life. Always have I suffered. Until I met him. Until I found love.
How does one love, when one was never taught to? How do you give your heart to someone, when it is empty? I do not wish to give him a hollow heart. A black soul. A scarred mind. For a long time, he was the only light in my darkness. He deserves more.
If I can find a way to mend myself, maybe I can love him. And maybe he can love me too. The whole me, and not just the parts he knows. If he loves me, he will hope. If he wants me he will wait. If he needs me... I will return. Return to my beloved Glorfindel.
~Erestor
The Journal
Enough. My heart can take no more of this torture. It crumbles in my breast. I would rather face the dungeons of Barad-dûr, or the cold of the halls of Mandos, Before I would face the rest of an immortal life without him. Without him I am nothing. Forget the warrior. Forget the hero. I am Glorfindel, And I am nothing.
Where are you? It does not matter. I will find you. I will not rest until I do. My heart pulls me east, so I know that is where you dwell. My heart tells no lies. Do you not see? Do you not know? I would die should I not find you. But I will. My soul is burdened, for it has lost its mate. They seek to be reunited. Why do you fight?
I know there is darkness in you. I know you suffer. But you will not let me help. You are afraid. Ever in your life have you been alone. Never have you seen love. I can show you. Let me.
You cannot hide from me. Our love binds us to each other. I am coming for you, Erestor. I am coming.
~Glorfindel
The Cry
With every passing day I feel it growing. This terrible feeling. I do not know if I will survive my quest. My quest for life. For love. He will forget me. I left him. I left him. I left him? No...
It is getting darker. Not in the sky, but in my heart. I am alone. I am falling into oblivion, and there is no one to catch me, nothing to break my fall. I fear that I will lose him, that he will not understand. I do not deserve him. I know it does not help to let these dark thoughts consume me. I must hope.
I must hope for Glorfindel. He loves me. He LOVES me. He is the only one who ever has. He saved me. And where is he now? I was a fool to run away, but there is no going back. I cannot turn around. I must face my demons. Should I turn they would take me down from behind.
My heart is at war. I fear it will break. Glorfindel, forgive me! I may not return...
~Erestor
The Prayer
It was raining that day. The day I found him. I saw a shadow between the trees, a large creature, bowing its head in defeat. It was his horse. My heart staggered in its rhythm. The beast had sorrow. I do not know how I was able to get off my horse. My body moved on its own accord.
A black form lay on the cold earth, catching the relentless droplets of rain. My horror grew, as I needed not look upon the face to know whom it belonged to. It was Erestor. I fell upon my knees beside him, and silently prayed to the Valar. Prayed that he would be alive. That he was all right.
The eyes were wide open, empty, staring at the grey heavens. He was so pale. I could not stop my hand from reaching out, stroking wet strands of hair from his face. He was so cold.
My heart broke at the touch of his skin, and I gathered the limp body in my arms. I held him. I rocked him. More for my sake than for his. I wept into his hair. My tears blending with the malicious raindrops in his velvet tresses.
'You will be all right, everything will be all right,' I cried. 'I will take you home.' I once promised him that I would never let anything hurt him. That he was mine. He is mine. He must live.
Erestor, if you die...so do I. Come back!
~Glorfindel
The Answer
The darkness finally enveloped me, and pulled me under the surface. It felt like drowning. Cold liquid filling my lungs, suffocating me. I swam, and I swam, but I only drifted further from the light. It was unreal. Some twisted dream attempting to confuse me.
I am confused. Where am I? I am still cold, and it is still dark. But something is different. I feel different. I no longer hear the demons. It is silent. Oh, how sweet the sound of silence resonates in my ears! When I fell, the demons fell with me. Now they are gone. I should be too.
Where am I? I am confused. It is not quite as dark, and the cold is diminishing. A strange sensation tingles in my hand. Like touch, soft and warm. The silence recedes, and gives way to a voice, deep and soothing. I know that voice! I know him! Glorfindel!
My heart races as his voice grows clear. He speaks my name. I did not know my name could sound so beautiful as it passes his lips. Light penetrates my eyes, as I desperately try to open them. I need to see him. A golden light blinds me, and I squint to make out the form hovering over me.
There he is! It is he! He came for me... Distraught, I whisper the only words in my mind.
I love you.
~Erestor
The Whisper
A storm was brewing in my stomach. Thunder ripped through my soul. I ached. He lay there lifeless, lost in whatever darkness had a hold on his spirit. I have known him always. I have known him forever. And yet I have not. Always did he seem strong and self-assured. Proud and dignified. Powerful.
Lying here in the sterile white sheets, he looks everything but powerful. Powerless. He seems so frail. I held his hand, and kissed it. Kissed the pale skin as if to warm it. That was when he moved. I spoke to him, tried to wake him. I touched him. His beautiful eyes fluttered open, and he whispered something. Sounded like 'I know you.'
I let the tears of joy roll down my cheeks, and did no longer despair when once more, He fell into rest on the bed. I watched him for many hours, and I do still. I remain by his side. The only place I am meant to be. Watching over him. Watching his chest heave. Seeing for certain he goes on living. For both of us.
His lips curl into a soft smile, and I know that he will be all right. WE will be all right.
For we love each other.
~Glorfindel
The Vow
We stood under the fading tree, my lover and I. This golden creature and me. As the pink petals of the withering blossoms slowly fell around us, riding the breeze. I looked into his sapphire eyes, and he looked into my dark ones. As if for the first time. For the first time connected. Whole. I know now what he sees in me, for I see it too.
The light in Imladris is beautiful in the afternoon. The trees come alive in the glow. We chose this place, this time. We chose each other, for the rest of eternity. He is mine. I am his. The bigger picture is unravelling before us. This is us. And here we are. Here we stand. Here we belong. Together. Forever.
We have not moved for what seems like hours. The ceremony is over, but we are still here. Our hands joined, our gazes locked, we say our vows silently. Repeatedly. I do not want to let go of this moment. I want to savour every second and keep it. To save it deep within my heart, so when in darker days I can relive it.
I will not cry. To many tears have passed these eyes. Sorrow. Pain. Regret. No more. I see the same will in my soul mate. He held back the tears of joy at our union. He knows. He sees into the very depths of my soul. He knows me. He truly does. I am caught up in his beauty. Caught up in reverence of this heavenly creature.
Then he speaks. Breaking the silence left by the parting crowd so long ago. His voice melodic, deep, and soft. The tone ethereal when he speaks to me.
-I will love you always.
His voice trembles, and he is close to tears again. I hold his hands tighter and reply.
-And I you, my beloved. My warrior. I will love you always.
Words. Words are so inadequate. I spent my whole life in a library, and now I see reality. Words cannot describe what I feel for this elf. So this one vow will have to say it all. This one vow, to speak what our souls cannot. One vow. One truth. One love.
Our love.
~Erestor
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Story notes: A sort of poem, written in chapters for the Library of Moria Message Board.
