No.
No this cannot be happening. This cannot be true. He cannot be gone. Not now, not when the world needs him the most. Not when I need him the most.
Mandos why do you do this to me? To us? What did I ever do to deserve this? He did not deserve to die. The world needs him still, we cannot win this war without him!
I do not know what to do. What am I supposed to do? How do I go on without him?
He was right there, I could have saved him. I looked away for an instant and then... Then he was gone. Why wasn't I there? I should have been there for him. I could have saved him.
Valar, he cannot be dead. I need him. I love him. I cannot live without him. I know I am being selfish, but I need him with me. Please, if for my sake alone, please bring him back.
Aragorn... Please do not leave me. Legolas angrily swiped at the tears that leaked from his eyes. He had fallen to the end of the long line of refugees bound for Helm's Deep. No one knew of his and Aragorn's relationship, and Legolas wanted to stay true to his lover's wishes even though the Ranger was gone. But though he was the last in line he was still not alone.
"Are you alright, laddie?"
Legolas nodded and wiped at his eyes again. "I am fine Gimli, do not worry," he said softly, not trusting his voice to go any louder without breaking.
Gimli was worried, however. While the Elf had always silent he had never been this withdrawn before. He patted Legolas gruffly on the shoulder, hoping it would provide some comfort. "Aragorn is strong. He would not let something like this kill him."
"I hope you are right, Gimli." The arrival at Helm's Deep was a solemn one; all the refugees were shocked to see how few survived the warg attack. The remaining soldiers trudged half-heartedly into the stone fortress, carting their wounded behind them. Their numbers were significantly down, giving the citizens of Rohan even less hope of surviving the attack they all knew was coming. Eowyn was the first to ask where Aragorn was, and Gimli's confirmation that he had fallen was too much for Legolas to handle. Grasping Arod's reins he quickly lead the horse toward the stables. By the time the animal was settled Legolas could feel the tears beginning to flow again.
As though sensing his master's distress, Arod nuzzled his master. The Elf smiled sadly and patted the horse's nose, "You are worried about me, aren't you?" he murmured in Elvish, "I will be fine though."
Arod snorted, shaking his head as though in disbelief. Legolas could not help but smile.
"Talking to your horse again?" The Elf looked up, surprised to see Gimli in the stables. But he had forgotten to wipe away his tears. The Dwarf frowned in concern, "You have been crying."
The blond looked away in shame, "Do not worry about me, Gimli," he insisted, "I will be fine."
"Crazy Elf," the Dwarf growled, "What good are you to us if you are consumed by your grief?
"I just... I miss him already," Legolas said softly, "I cannot believe he is gone."
"Then do not believe it," Gimli replied, walking over to his friend's side, "Just hope that he lives, and never believe otherwise."
Legolas turned and looked down at his strange Dwarven companion, a sad smile on his face and tears in his eyes that he would not let himself cry. "I am glad you are here, Gimli," he murmured, and turned away again; his voice was so soft Gimli could barely hear him, "I have never been this scared before. What if - What if he never comes back?" Legolas never left the stables that night. He sat in the straw, curled up against the wall in the furthest corner, his legs pulled up to his chest and he face buried in his knees. His entire frame shook with silent sobs as he cried for the lose of the only man he'd ever loved. He cried and cried, until there were no tears left to shed, and only then, well after Ithil had reached it's peak, did he fall asleep.
And that's exactly where Gimli found him the next morning: curled up in the straw, his hair a mess and his face streaked with tears. He had never known the Elf to cry, but it was fairly obvious he had done just that. It seemed a crime to wake him, as he looked so peaceful in sleep; more peaceful than he had in days, and definitely happier than he had been since Aragorn's fall.
The Dwarf stared down at him for a while longer, feeling sorry for his companion's plight. If what they said about Elves dying of grief was true, then Legolas would not survive long if they received no news of Aragorn's well being. Gimli hoped it was not true, and hoped even more that Aragorn would return so he would not have to find out.
Arod snorted suddenly, causing Gimli to jump. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had forgotten about the horse's presence. But the animal did not sound merely annoyed, but worried too. Worried for his master, Gimli supposed, though he doubted the animal knew what was wrong.
Gruffly patting the horse on the nose Gimli left the stable, willing to let his Elven friend sleep in peace a little while longer. It was only an hour after the Dwarf had left that Legolas was awoken by shouts from the keep and Arod nudging his shoulder. He groaned softly as he forced himself awake and onto his feet. It seemed he had slept longer and deeper than he had in ages. Aragorn's death was effecting him worse than he had thought.
Unconsciously he raised hand to straighten his braids and fix his hair before looking out of the stall to see what all the commotion was about. The people he could see seemed oddly excited, even hopeful. It was a change from the day before, that was for certain, and Legolas wondered what had brought it on. Curious now he patted Arod on the nose and left the stall. The Rohirrim who passed him barely cast the Elf a second glance, so he supposed he would have to leave the stables to find out what was going on.
Slowly his feet directed him toward the main keep, where all the excitement seemed to come from. But there were still no clues as to why the people were suddenly more cheerful.
It was not until Legolas stood atop the stairs that lead down to the gates that he saw what all the commotion was about. At first he did not believe his eyes. It could not be true. Aragorn was... Alive. It was more than he had dared to hope for. It seemed impossible, and yet there he was. Alive and more or less well. Legolas did not even mind the mud, or the smell that hit him before the Ranger noticed him, none of that mattered now, because his lover was alive.
Aragorn did not, in fact, notice him until he had to stop in order to not run into the elf. Legolas was momentarily lost for words; too many emotions flooded through him for his brain to function properly. The only thing he wanted was to throw himself into the man's arms and never let him go, he but couldn't do that. Instead, he said the first thing that came to mind: "Lle naa abdollen." The man stared at him for a moment, before a grin spread across his face; and by that time the elf managed to regain control of himself. He let his eyes trace over the Ranger's body, and grew worried. "You look terrible..."
Aragorn could not help the faint smile smile that formed on his face; he felt terrible too. He clapped a hand to his lover's shoulder, trying to convey how sorry he was for making the Elf worry. Legolas seemed to understand. "I am sorry," the man whispered in Elvish, so that only his lover could hear, "For everything."
Legolas simply smiled back. It was easy for him to forgive the Ranger. "As am I," he replied, just as softly. They embraced briefly. Just enough to assure each other of their forgiveness, and for Legolas to assure himself that his lover was alive. Then they pulled apart quickly, though each would have gladly clung to the other for dear life given the chance. But they did not have the time, or the privacy for such matters at the moment. The war headed toward them, and they needed to prepare for battle.
There was no telling if either one would survive the night.
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Chapter notes: It took me forever to type this up. I wrote during Creative Writing class, and at home I have to work on college applications dies. Sorry, I wanted to use some of your ideas, but none of it turned out. See, in class we are not allowed to stop writing, the pen always has to keep moving to keep the idea's flowing. Oh well, we're back on the plot I had planned from the beginning, and there are some scenes I've been dying to write since forever. Finally I get to write them. I'll need your guys' help again in a few chapters, never fear.
The promised lemon (NC17 rated scene for those who don't know the term) has also been written already, it's after Helm's Deep and probably in the next chapter, if not, the one after that. I swear.
Chapter end notes: Remember to review. Comments and critiques are always welcome. They help feed the muses, and without food the muses will die. You don't want that.
